While meditating and steering my thoughts from ‘I’ need to do it all, to ‘leave it all to the Almighty’, evoked a question inside me, ‘What does it actually mean to leave it all to God?’
This opened the floodgates of more questions, ‘Am I giving up on myself?’, ‘Am I tired of trying?’ ‘Am I losing confidence in myself?’, ‘Am I losing the battle or have stopped fighting?’, ‘ Am I suffering from Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD)?’, ‘Is it blind faith in the entity of God?’ or in fact, ‘Is it my total belief in my prayers?’
So I persevered and carried on ruminating. I had to first adjust my mindset to the unbiased and truthful frequency in order to get a clear signal of my deeper thoughts. I found that at times I felt all the above ‘Am I’ symptoms – When the going gets tough, I can sometimes begin to lose grip on my self-confidence and even feel like I am losing the battle. It’s at this point that I shall pray with all my strength because I must have faith in my belief in my chosen entity of Omnipotent. This is the only prayer that has and would continue to rescue me in every battle in life. I must have blind faith, in so far as my confidence in the power of the Almighty is concerned. This blind faith, rather than over-confidence in myself, any day. After all, humility is the greatest strength with which to build an effective prayer, and gratitude is the loudest knock at God’s door.
So, it’s only human to feel weak at the knees sometimes, have a degree of fear in the heart, but as long as I have faith that I can rely on the power looking over me to render the help I need, I shall be alright. If this is a dependence syndrome, then I don’t ever wish to be cured.
I am sure, many more feel the same, at least sometimes, and think of it as growing a negative mindset. Please don’t. You are being a human being, and nothing can be more positive than that. ‘Leave the rest to God’, like you really mean it.
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